JASON BRAVO

Lyrics

From THE WIZARD OF CLAUS: THE MUSICAL

This is the opening of Act 2. THE WIZARD (in standard Santa Claus regalia) stands with his back to the audience, feverishly working away, making toys. DISTRICT ELF #1 and DISTRICT ELF #2, both holding briefcases, are trying to get his attention.
*************************************
ELF WARNING
(Music and lyrics by Jason Bravo)

DISTRICT ELF #1 and DISTRICT ELF #2
Sir!

THE WIZARD
(mumbling, making a doll)
Blue eyes.

DISTRICT ELF #2
Sir, are you listening?

THE WIZARD
Buckle shoes.

DISTRICT ELF #1 and DISTRICT ELF #2
WE'D LIKE TO INTRODUCE OURSELVES:
WE'RE THE REPRESENTATIVES
FROM THE OUTER DISTRICTS
OF THIS LAND.
WE'VE SENT YOU MANY NOTICES
WHICH WENT UNANSWERED EVERY TIME.
WE'RE WORRIED AND YOU REALLY
NEED TO UNDERSTAND

THERE'S TROUBLE, SIR:
THE MAGIC IN YOUR WONDERLAND
IS FADING.
THINGS ARE GOING UNDER.
IT'S A FACT THERE'S NO
DEBATING.
IT'S REALLY QUITE A CRISIS.
HERE'S WHAT OUR ADVICE IS:

YOU GOTTA, GOTTA, GOTTA
GET AHOLD ON KRAMPUS.

THE WIZARD
Who's Krampus?

DISTRICT ELF #1 and DISTRICT ELF #2
Really?!
HER PLAN IS DIABOLICAL
AND EXACTING.

THE WIZARD
Exacting?

DISTRICT ELF #1 and DISTRICT ELF #2
Exacting!
YOU'VE REALLY, REALLY GOTTA LISTEN.
DON'T REGRET IT.

DISTRICT ELF #2
DON'T REGRET IT.

DISTRICT ELF #1 and DISTRICT ELF #2
DON'T YOU GET IT?!

THE WIZARD
DON'T YOU THINK YOU MIGHT
BE OVERREACTING?

DISTRICT ELF #1 and DISTRICT ELF #2
OVERREACTING?!

THE WIZARD
THIS IS DISTRACTING.
I'VE GOT WAY TOO MUCH ON MY MIND.
TOO MUCH WORK. CAN'T FALL BEHIND!

DISTRICT ELF #1 and DISTRICT ELF #2
THE GUMDROP MOUNTAINS
ARE A GOOEY MESS.

THE WIZARD
(making a doll)
A yellow dress!

DISTRICT ELF #1 and DISTRICT ELF #2
YOU NEED TO HELP US, SIR.
YOU NEED TO CARE.

THE WIZARD
Curly hair!
GOT IT RIGHT JUST HOW SHE WANTED.
MAKING PERFECT TOYS
EQUALS HAPPY GIRLS AND BOYS.

DISTRICT ELF #1 and DISTRICT ELF #2
WE UNDERSTAND YOUR JOB IS BIG
WITH DEADLINES THAT
YOU'VE GOT TO MEET,
BUT THIS PROBLEM
CAN'T BE SECOND-PLACE.

DISTRICT ELF #2
(losing his patience)
Sir, you need to focus!

DISTRICT ELF #1
Pay attention!

DISTRICT ELF #2
Get the wax out!

DISTRICT ELF #1
WHAT HE MEANS IS
THIS IS SOMETHING YOU. MUST. FACE!

DISTRICT ELF #1 and DISTRICT ELF #2
THERE'S TROUBLE, SIR.
THE MAGIC IN YOUR WONDERLAND
IS DYING.
THINGS ARE GOING UNDER:
IT'S A FACT THERE'S NO DENYING.
NIP THIS REVOLUTION.
THERE'S ONLY ONE SOLUTION:

YOU GOTTA, GOTTA
GET AHOLD ON KRAMPUS.
HER PLAN IS DIABOLICAL
AND EXACTING.
YOU'VE REALLY, REALLY
GOTTA LISTEN. DON'T REGRET IT.

THE WIZARD
(still not really paying attention)
MAYBE YOU MIGHT BE OVERREACTING.
I'VE GOT WAY TOO MUCH ON MY PLATE.
CAN'T WASTE TIME. CAN'T HESITATE!

DISTRICT ELF #1 and DISTRICT ELF #2
THE CHOCOLATE RIVER'S ONLY
HALF AS FULL.

THE WIZARDS
(making a toy car)
A convertible!

DISTRICT ELF #1 and DISTRICT ELF #2
DON'T OVERLOOK THE ATTENTION
THIS REQUIRES.

THE WIZARD
Whitewall tires!
GOT IT RIGHT, JUST HOW HE WANTED.
MAKING PERFECT TOYS
EQUALS HAPPY GIRLS AND BOYS.

WISHES ARE WISHED.
DREAMS ARE DREAMED
AND I'M THE ONE WHO'S GOT TO
MAKE THEM ALL COME TRUE.
HOPES ARE HOPED.
IT'S UP TO ME.
SO I BUILD AND BUILD,
DO ALL I CAN DO.

IT'S AN HONOR I CHERISH
AND A PART I'M PROUD TO PLAY:
TO BRING THE CHILDREN
JOY ON CHRISTMAS DAY!

DISTRICT ELF #1 and DISTRICT ELF #2
(getting exasperated, realizing their efforts are futile, picking up their briefcases, starting to exit. To each other:)

DISTRICT ELF #1 and DISTRICT ELF #2
YOU'D THINK THAT WE WERE
SPEAKING "ELF."
OH, WHAT'S THE USE?! WHY EVEN TRY?!
EVERYTHING WE SAY IS ALL IN VAIN.

DISTRICT ELF #1
How 'bout grabbing coffee?

DISTRICT ELF #2
Might as well: We're getting nowhere!

DISTRICT ELF #1 and DISTRICT ELF #2
HE'S SUFFERING FROM A CASE
OF CHRISTMAS-ON-THE-BRAIN!